The Gentle Art of Listening

Although my blog is technically about women’s travel opportunities, I also like from time to time to comment, ask questions, or make observations that might be beneficial to other women. Some of these observations are common sense that we just need to be reminded of from time to time—travel safety tips for example. Other things I share with my readers are about lessons learned or even grey hairs earned. And these are the blogs that seem to generate the most emails and comments, many of them off the record. For example, I was gratified that my blogs about weight issues during the holidays prompted many of you to write and share your struggles with me. So, with this in mind, here goes a little blog about an important issue; learning to listen.


When a friend confides in me, I consider it an honor and a blessing. I think women are a powerful force, more powerful than we imagine. The sharing of a confidence or concern is something that women do for other women that is so different from sharing with a man; no matter how loving or well intentioned. As I age, I am learning that the art of true listening is a skill I am developing after having done it the wrong way. It’s taking time, and I still don’t have all the answers, but here goes a few things I have learned.

I have always wanted to be supportive of people. But until recently if you tried to share a problem with me, I would listen attentively for a few moments, get the big picture of things and then jump right in—talking, talking, talking. I would immediately offer well intended advice and a plan for correcting the situation if MY ideas and action plan are followed. And often I would blow it with the friend trying to express herself. I want to “fix” things, it’s what I do, but not very helpful at all in a listening situation. Maybe it was my ego, I like to believe not—but everyone loves to hear the sound of their own voice, hey? I really did want to help and I certainly didn’t want to come across as bossy. So what IS good listening?


Most people just want your undivided attention when sharing with you. Making eye contact, a hug if appropriate, and active listening—really getting involved with what they are telling you. No recriminations or judgment during this time either. My favorite saying when a friend begins to chastise herself for a mistake is: “stop talking about my friend that way”. Just that bit of humor dispels the idea that you might be judging. I make soothing noises like “aw”, but I think the main point is stay engaged, continue with eye contact and provide a safe haven for your friend. A safe haven is a priceless gift you can give and by learning the art of gentle listening you will have made a difference to someone in a huge way. And chances are when your time comes to need counsel, she will be there for you too.  Listening is a skill that we may not have been born with, but it can be developed over time.  Good luck with your journey!

Have fun and be sure to visit our webpage.  We have a great new New Orleans escorted tour ready to book!  Email me at sandy@cgta.com to talk about this blog or to ask questions about our upcoming trips!

Sandy, the Diva Cruiser, is actually Sandy Wheeler,Indpendent contractor with Connie George Travel Associates.  Follow her adventures on Twitter @thedivacruiser or through her website http://www.sandywheelertravel.com/