The Gentle Art of Listening

Although my blog is technically about women’s travel opportunities, I also like from time to time to comment, ask questions, or make observations that might be beneficial to other women. Some of these observations are common sense that we just need to be reminded of from time to time—travel safety tips for example. Other things I share with my readers are about lessons learned or even grey hairs earned. And these are the blogs that seem to generate the most emails and comments, many of them off the record. For example, I was gratified that my blogs about weight issues during the holidays prompted many of you to write and share your struggles with me. So, with this in mind, here goes a little blog about an important issue; learning to listen.


When a friend confides in me, I consider it an honor and a blessing. I think women are a powerful force, more powerful than we imagine. The sharing of a confidence or concern is something that women do for other women that is so different from sharing with a man; no matter how loving or well intentioned. As I age, I am learning that the art of true listening is a skill I am developing after having done it the wrong way. It’s taking time, and I still don’t have all the answers, but here goes a few things I have learned.

I have always wanted to be supportive of people. But until recently if you tried to share a problem with me, I would listen attentively for a few moments, get the big picture of things and then jump right in—talking, talking, talking. I would immediately offer well intended advice and a plan for correcting the situation if MY ideas and action plan are followed. And often I would blow it with the friend trying to express herself. I want to “fix” things, it’s what I do, but not very helpful at all in a listening situation. Maybe it was my ego, I like to believe not—but everyone loves to hear the sound of their own voice, hey? I really did want to help and I certainly didn’t want to come across as bossy. So what IS good listening?


Most people just want your undivided attention when sharing with you. Making eye contact, a hug if appropriate, and active listening—really getting involved with what they are telling you. No recriminations or judgment during this time either. My favorite saying when a friend begins to chastise herself for a mistake is: “stop talking about my friend that way”. Just that bit of humor dispels the idea that you might be judging. I make soothing noises like “aw”, but I think the main point is stay engaged, continue with eye contact and provide a safe haven for your friend. A safe haven is a priceless gift you can give and by learning the art of gentle listening you will have made a difference to someone in a huge way. And chances are when your time comes to need counsel, she will be there for you too.  Listening is a skill that we may not have been born with, but it can be developed over time.  Good luck with your journey!

Have fun and be sure to visit our webpage.  We have a great new New Orleans escorted tour ready to book!  Email me at sandy@cgta.com to talk about this blog or to ask questions about our upcoming trips!

Sandy, the Diva Cruiser, is actually Sandy Wheeler,Indpendent contractor with Connie George Travel Associates.  Follow her adventures on Twitter @thedivacruiser or through her website http://www.sandywheelertravel.com/ 

The Truth Comes Out!

Ok, here it is.  I hate snow, I do, I know that now after our 20 year record accumulation last weekend.  Those of you who know me personally or from my posts--please don't be too disappointed in me.  But it's the truth.  I don't want to play in it, I don't want to ski, and goodness knows I don't want to go where there's a lot of it. 

Now before my friends in the western part of North Carolina start with the hate mail, I love the mountains!  Spring, summer, and fall.  Maggie Valley is a picture postcard, Lake Lure is surely heaven on earth, and Asheville is one of those places that should be on everyone's must see list.  Quaint quilt shops, fresh fruit stands playing mandalin music stand toe to toe with some of the most eclectic and hip spas and restaurants anywhere.  The Blue Ridge Parkway delivers on some of the most beautiful scenery on the planet. And of course, it's impossible to mention Asheville and western North Carolina without the Biltmore Estate.  Beyond the mansion itself  there are the gardens, vineyard, dairy, equestrian center, River Bend Farm, estate shopping,  and more.  I have been there in spring, summer, and fall and every season it's a new world to discover.

My next land trip will be to visit the Biltmore Estate and gardens during the Spring tulip and dogwood season--sometime between Apri 1-May 15th. Biltmore gardens We are making plans for a group of ladies (hubbies welcome) to enjoy the experience together.  I don't have everything firmed up yet, your input and questions are welcome.  More details will follow, be sure to follow my blog for more.

So, in summary, yes, I do hate snow; but it's not too bad--I still like hot chocolate!

Happy travels and stay warm!

Sandy

Sandy, the diva cruiser, is in reality Sandy Wheeler, an independent representative of Connie George Travel Associates.  Follow her adventures on Twitter:  ladiestravel or email for more informaton about this or any other of her blogs. 

Flashy Red Polish

Don't run off, this will be a very short installment of my blog.  I do have a few questions.  Ok, here goes!

• why is my Santa hat the warmest one in my closet?
• why does the bright red OPI "Christmas Cheer" fingernail polish which looked so sleek and festive last week look so lame now?
• why do the Christmas lights ALWAYS come off the tree all tangled no matter how hard you try?
• why is it I always find the 75% off bows and wrapping paper I bought last year when I am putting the current year's stuff away?

If you have answers to these and any other of the great mysteries of life, drop me a line.  In the meantime,  please let me know if I can help you with any of your travel needs in 2010.  It has been my pleasure to work with some awesome clients in 2009, I thank you for your business and your friendship.  So, ponder these questions and remember whether it's a great gal's getaway, a fantasy honeymoon, or a special Valentine's treat for you and your sweetheart--I am your girl!

Blessings for the new year!

Sandy

Sandy, the divacruiser, is in reality, Sandy Wheeler, an independent contractor for Connie George Travel Associates.  Follow her adventures on Twitter @thedivacruiser or her website http://www.sandywheelertravel.com/.  Email Sandy @Email for Sandy 

Things Your Burglar Doesn't Want You to Know!

Whether you travel near or far to visit friends and family; by car, train, plane, bus or boat, there's always an aspect that I like to remind my travel clients about--safety.  I, like most travel professionals, am a big supporter of Travel Insurance for my people to protect them in a variety of ways.  But one issue I don't talk about enough and plan to add to my web site for 2010 is safety for the home while traveling.  No one wants to return from a quick trip to grandma's or a 2 week exotic cruise to find their home broken into or vandalized.  The following list is not mine, but it has made the rounds of my email at least twice, so I am putting it out there for you to think about and heed.  An ounce of prevention, preparation and planning could really be worth a pound of cure.


THINGS YOUR BURGLAR WON'T TELL YOU:



1. Of course I look familiar. I was here just last week cleaning your carpets, painting your shutters, or delivering your new refrigerator.

2. Hey, thanks for letting me use the bathroom when I was working in your yard last week. While I was in there, I unlatched the back window to make my return a little easier.

3. Love those flowers. That tells me you have taste ... And taste means there are nice things inside. Those yard toys your kids leave out always make me wonder what type of gaming system they have.

4. Yes, I really do look for newspapers piled up on the driveway. And I might leave a pizza flyer in your front door to see how long it takes you to remove it.

5. If it snows while you're out of town, get a neighbor to create car and foot tracks into the house. Virgin drifts in the driveway are a dead giveaway.

6. If decorative glass is part of your front entrance, don't let your alarm company install the control pad where I can see if it's set. That makes it too easy.

7. A good security company alarms the window over the sink. And the windows on the second floor, which often access the master bedroom-and your jewelry. It's not a bad idea to put motion detectors up there too.

8. It's raining, you're fumbling with your umbrella, and you forget to lock your door-understandable. But understand this: I don't take a day off because of bad weather.

9. I always knock first. If you answer, I'll ask for directions somewhere or offer to clean your gutters. (Don't take me up on it.)

10. Do you really think I won't look in your sock drawer? I always check dresser drawers, the bedside table, and the medicine cabinet.

11. Here's a helpful hint: I almost never go into kids' rooms.

12. You're right: I won't have enough time to break into that safe where you keep your valuables. But if it's not bolted down, I'll take it with me.

13. A loud TV or radio can be a better deterrent than the best alarm system. If you're reluctant to leave your TV on while you're out of town, you can buy a $35 device that works on a timer and simulates the flickering glow of a real television. (Find it at faketv.com..)



8 MORE THINGS A BURGLAR WON'T TELL YOU:
1. Sometimes, I carry a clipboard. Sometimes, I dress like a lawn guy and carry a rake. I do my best to never, ever look like a crook.

2. The two things I hate most: loud dogs and nosy neighbors.

3. I'll break a window to get in, even if it makes a little noise. If your neighbor hears one loud sound, he'll stop what he's doing and wait to hear it again. If he doesn't hear it again, he'll just go back to what he was doing. It's human nature.

4. I'm not complaining, but why would you pay all that money for a fancy alarm system and leave your house without setting it?

5. I love looking in your windows. I'm looking for signs that you're home, and for flat screen TVs or gaming systems I'd like. I'll drive or walk through your neighborhood at night, before you close the blinds, just to pick my targets.

6. Avoid announcing your vacation on your Facebook page. It's easier than you think to look up your address.

7. To you, leaving that window open just a crack during the day is a way to let in a little fresh air. To me, it's an invitation.

8.. If you don't answer when I knock, I try the door. Occasionally, I hit the jackpot and walk right in.


Sources: Convicted burglars in North Carolina , Oregon , California , and Kentucky ; security consultant Chris McGoey, who runs crimedoctor.com; and Richard T. Wright, a criminology professor at the University of Missouri-St. Louis, who interviewed 105 burglars for his book Burglars on the Job.



Happy and SAFE traveling!

Sandy

Sandy, the diva cruiser, is actually Sandy Wheeler, an independent contractor with Connie George Travel Associates.  Follow her adventures on her website at http://www.sandywheelertravel.com/ or on Twitter @thedivacruiser. 

A Christmas Carb Carole-Traveling Through the Past, Present and Future

Whether you like the story of Scrooge and his journeys with the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future in the newest 3-D version, or you prefer the black and white presentation or something in between; everyone is familier with the tale.  The old crumengeon goes on a journey of exploration and an emotional roller coaster ride in one night that will leave him changed forever in the process. 

While not so dramatic, I have been on a similar journey of exploration the past few months about an issue that has long been part of my life and so intertwined with memories of Christmas that I always approach the holidays with a tiny bit of dread.  The issue is weight--getting it off, keeping it off, what to eat, when to eat, how to keep from eating--and the holiday scene only intensifies things. I can't honestly remember a Christmas or any other situation where I felt "thin" enough.  I look back at pictures of myself and think: "gee, you looked cute in that outfit", or "boy you were thin then".  At the time, well, as I said, I have never felt thin enough. Emotions aside, here are the facts, a good place to start.  And after years of fighting and fretting, I have come to terms with these facts.

I am almost 6 feet tall.  Most of my family is tall.  While is was a pain in the 4th grade, it's a joy now.  But being 6 feet tall, I can forget about weighting 103 lbs.  It's not going to happen.

I am on the flirty side of 50.  I don't want to wear a bikini anymore.  I don't want all the maintenance that goes into wearing skimpy clothes.  I am perfectly content to look decent in a one piece--as long as small children don't point and stare and old folks don't clutch their hearts and cry out in horror, well, I am cool.

I have been taking Prednisone for 25 years to control a serious illness.  And luckily, it does control it and I have been blessed with 25 years of a marvelous life I might not have had without this drug.  Unforunately, it is directly linked to weight gain, fluid retention, increase in appetite--well enough said--you get the drift. 

So, how to bring the facts of the situation and the fantasy in my head together into a manageable plan for the holidays?  Here's my plan, feel free to copy it if you like.

• Since carbs are a problem for me, I will look over the options, select my favorite, have a comfortable, reasonable amount and savor it without any guilt or remorse
• I will take small bites and put my fork down between bites
• I will chew, chew, chew before swallowing
• I will talk between bites of food--engage my family in conversation
• I will slow down the eating process so much that I am still on my first plate when seconds are being consumed
• I will thorougly enjoy and savor each meal
• I will remind myself repeatedly that food, while certainly a pleasure is FUEL, nothing more

And most of all, I will remind myself I am thin enough.  I need to lose a few pounds to help with my blood sugar issues and blood pressure issues--BUT right now in this minute at the weight I am right now--I am thin enough!

God bless you to have the best Christmas of all!

Sandy

the divacruiser is actually Sandy Wheeler, an indepenent contractor for Connie George Travel Associates.  Follow her adventures on her web site www.SandyWheelerTravel.com and on Twitter @thedivacruiser

Giving Ourselves a Break--Traveling By Car

I remember fondly packing the car with a goodie bag when my kids were toddlers and we would take car trips, particularly during the Thanksgiving and Christmas seasons. The goodie bag was a curious assortment of toys, clothes, snacks, books, tapes, and anything else I could think of to keep them happy, healthy, and entertained during the trip. I was reminded of this as I made my list of things to take along to keep my fuzzy four-legged babies happy, healthy, and entertained as well during our car trip to "Granny's".  Although the items in the goodie bag are certainly different than those needed for my toddlers way back when, the idea is the same.  Make them more comfortable and feeling special.

I started thinking more about this and then my thoughts zeroed in on a recent trip I took by car during the Thanksgiving rush.  And I asked myself "where was my goodie bag"?  If memory serves me, I drove relentlessly as if a human life depended on my arriving by a certain time.  I wove in and out of I-95 traffic pedal to the medal with no stretch break, no lunch break (unless you count a fast food drive through) and no preparations to make my trip easier or less stressful.  Had I had my toddlers in the car, or even my pups, I would have stopped, walked around, and given them a chance to settle and get the kinks out.  I would have fed them healthy snacks from the goodie bag instead of the diet coke and crackers I allowed myself at my hasty bathroom break. 

What's wrong with this picture?  Why is it OK to stop for 10 minutes and play chase with the kids or even the dogs, but not OK to take 10 minutes to stretch my weary bones?  I like to think that as  gal's travel coordinator, I know how to help women have relax and have fun.  I am producing a series for women called "Relax, Refresh, and Realize Your Worth" for heaven's sake!  I should have treated myself better.  And I want you to learn from  my experience.  There may be times when you have to be in rush--but most of the time I think women are just conditioned to not take care of themselves.  It's a habit and habits can be changed.  So your next car trip--think ahead, take breaks, eat well, and pack a goodie bag for you too!

A Visit to the Village at Pinehurst

A couple of weekends ago, I had the priviledge of hanging out with some of my favorite people--my sister Peg and her zany husband Eddie, my mom, and of course my hubby doing some shopping, sightseeing, and just enjoying the laid back atmosphere of the "Village" at Pinehurst, NC. As anyone who has ever raised a golf club knows, Pinehurst is one of the golf meccas of the South and is also quite well known for it's tennis events, training camps, and tournaments.

It was a glorius day weatherwise and we were able to explore the shopping, dining, and other options in our shirt sleeves. One of the brochures I picked up while strolling mentioned that the Village personified quaint New England charm--but with the abundance of pine and magnolia trees scattered about, this Southern girl may have to differ on that point.

Since it was lunch time, finding a place to eat was first on our agenda. My brother in law had heard good things about Dugan's Pub while playing golf the day before, but on investigation found it pretty crowded and reported back and our hungry little horde decided to keep looking. The next spot we found was Theo's Taverna, reported by the signage to be an authentic Mediterrean/Greek restaurant. Since Greek cuisine is not my favorite thing, Eddie asked for a menu and brought it out so we could all see it. Directly beside Theo's was another establishment, The Darling House Pub and Grill that looked good and I wanted to compare the menu offerings. The Darling House stated they were a Celtic experience and they had a charming outside eating area that looked inviting on such a pleasant day. No sooner had we gathered around the two menus to see what was available than the owner/manager of Theo's came out into the doorway and started to chastise us for taking his menu. He didn't smile and make a joke of it, he growled, frowned, and rolled his eyes at us. After returning the menu (no gold gilt or buried treasure map-- just a laminated piece of cardboard--not even in multi-color), we of course ate at the Darling House. I had the special--a huge, tasty 1/2 of a chicken sandwich with a salad that my mom described as "cheerful". The service was excellent, the food was good--a perfect luncheon treat.

Our stroll then took us to several shops with interesting and unique merchandise. I particularly liked Cameron & Co, Le Faux Chateau, and a little jewelry, purse and accessories shop called Teramsu where I received excellent, personal service like we received years ago in any retail establishment. The items were cute, funky, and not too pricey. I purchased a watch that I really love with a flip over band for less than $50.

Probably the worst part of the day was that the visit was so short. We have already made plans to come back and visit in January. Check back then when I review the fabulous Pinehurst Resort--just looking at the huge spa facility makes me smile; and well, yes, the golf course looks pretty good too!

Sandy, the diva cruiser, is in reality, Sandy Wheeler. Follow her adventures on Twitter @thedivacruiser and on her web site http://www.sandywheelertravel.com/. Sandy is an Independent Agent for Connie George Travel Assocites. Email me for help in planning your next trip!